This is what relief feels like

19 Jan

Got the call late this afternoon. I have a chromosomally normal baby with no Trisomies or Spina Bifida. I hung up the phone and cried. Then called the husband, crying. It was such a release. I don’t think I’ve been able to fully enjoy pregnancy until this moment. I’ve had days where I’ve been blissfully happy and so so grateful when I catch sight of my abdominal profile in a store window but then have instantly told myself to get off the cloud, because things could still go horribly wrong.

And there are no guarantees – I’ve read and heard enough stories about second trimester loss – but the reassurance that everything is fine for now, despite my advanced maternal age and dusty old eggs, is huge.

I think I can finally start researching diaper options and car seats. And buying a crib. And let myself daydream about things I’ve pushed to the side of my mind for so long.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe we’ve made it this far, little heirloom tomato-sized baby of mine. 18 weeks 1 day tomorrow. (Yes, I am still counting to the day.)

I have to say that it suddenly feels weird to know that the sex of our baby is documented in my file, but I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. The genetics counselor who called with the results knew that I didn’t want to know, but said that if I changed my mind I could call them or my doctor’s office and find out. Argh. So hard, but I’m holding out. For now.

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5 Responses to “This is what relief feels like”

  1. Misfits January 19, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

    This is the best news, ever. Wonderful!

    I know it’s hard to settle in to feeling “fine,” but I want so much for you to settle in and feel good for this pregnancy and await your baby with excited thoughts. It gives all of us hope!

  2. conceptionallychallenged January 20, 2011 at 2:31 am #

    Congratulations! I’m so very happy for you.
    Now let us know about the most beautiful crib around 🙂

  3. nobabyruth January 20, 2011 at 2:35 am #

    Yay!! I am so glad that it’s good news and that you can settle into this pregnancy a bit more!! Enjoy it!!

  4. nicole January 20, 2011 at 3:22 am #

    YEah good to hear!

  5. BabyMakingDiary January 23, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    So so happy for you. Enjoy every minute x

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