Bits and Bobs

14 Dec

Things I’ve learned recently:

1. You can feel the most nauseous ever in your 13th week, when you’ve barely felt it for the past six.

2. It is truly impossible to tell the difference between beginnings of a baby and bloat.

3. Because of the above, people (who know) will tell you that you look “adorable” when you know you actually don’t. Or if you do, it’s not for adorable reasons.

4. You can work your way out of a huge hormonal outburst and see things differently. I was so convinced I was my family’s lesser citizen with all the stuff that came up around my parents’ visit. And then my mom set things straight (lovingly), “Did it ever occur to you that your amnio is the VERY reason I wanted to come to California? I have been deprived of the chance to be there for you in the same city, on the same continent since you were 22, you will not deprive me of the chance to do it during your pregnancy and scary testing.” OK, mom. Amnio party of 3.  Now I’m really looking forward to having her with me that weekend. As is my husband, because she is a damn fine cook. We will also be able to eat off every surface in the house by the time she has spent a weekend here. I mean, we’re clean and all, but my mom takes clean to places I rarely go. I’m hoping that we can also do some fun mom things, like go to the Huntington Gardens for tea and a little shopping.

5. You learn that because of infertility and loss, it is pretty much impossible to come out on Facebook, even as you make your way into the 2nd trimester. Part of me thinks I won’t do it officially. I’m sure as the word starts to leak out in the next few weeks, there might be some wall posts by others, but I don’t think I’m going to be the one to share the news. I have a few FB friends who I know are struggling to conceive, and they are ones that I know spend time on the site, so I just can’t do it. And my god, there will be no ultrasound pics.

6. Pregnancy really can take over your brain in weird ways. I am a girl who loves to read whatever I can get my hands on. I have also made a considerable effort to keep up my professional development and skills as a child therapist since graduation and have what I call my “Tower of Learning” next to my side of the bed at all times. Now all I want to do is watch TV. Last night there was NOTHING good on Tivo and I almost started crying. That means I have been scraping the bottom of the “Tivo Suggestions” barrel and it isn’t pretty. Jersylicious, anyone? Keeping up with the Kardashians? (Of course the fact that this is what Tivo is suggesting for me is pretty telling about my taste in general. Or maybe Tivo just knows I have the attention span of a gnat right now.)

7. No matter how thrilled I am to be pregnant, and just want a healthy baby, I have a fairly strong gender preference. And I feel guilty about it. And  I can’t decide: although I’ve always leaned towards not finding out the sex, part of me wonders if this is the smart thing to do when I have a preference so I have time to adjust if it’s not my first choice (I feel awful just writing that – I feel like I have no business having these feelings as someone who has dealt with IF and miscarriage). Or, would it be better to just be surprised, because by the time I hold that baby in my arms, I will feel nothing but joy no matter what? Something to ponder in the days leading up to January 7 when it will be a sure thing.

8. I CAN watch an entire episode of Dexter and look at the screen the whole time rather than hide under a blanket when it got too much to tolerate.  Still have mixed feelings about that season finale, though. (Okay, that one has nothing to do with pregnancy, but whatever.)

Yesterday was also my 13 week appointment with my OB. Seems I haven’t gained any weight since my last visit during week 8 (hard to believe considering how generously I am filling my bra and beyond.  I was actually embarrassed when my OB pulled my t-shirt neck down to listen to my heart. “Hi, meet my cleavage. Soon it will need its own zip code.”). I am also not a carrier of Fragile X or Cystic Fibrosis; and my cervix, while possibly slightly shorter than average is nothing to worry about just yet. So that was all good stuff. Now we’re just counting down the days to the big old needle test. But at least there’s a little falalalala, folderol and good cheer to tide me over until then.

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3 Responses to “Bits and Bobs”

  1. nobabyruth December 15, 2010 at 5:17 am #

    1. I have been feeling WAY worse since about the 11 week point than I was before that. It defies all online and book sources. Boo.

    2. This morning a tornado whipped through my room as I tried to find a pair of pants, ANY pants, that would fit me. It was not fun. Bloat or baby – it’s gotta be bloat at not quite 12 weeks (for me), right? It does make me nervous, though, that I’ll be SHOWING when I decide to tell my boss after Christmas…

    7. I have this debate as well. And when we thought twins were on the way I decided I WOULD find out (I’ve always wanted to wait) because I didn’t want to be dissapointed (I know, it’s ridiculous) at the actual birth. Now that we know it’s just one I am again torn. Partly because I care less now and partly because I can’t help but think there’ll hopefully be a “second chance” somewhere in my future.

    Happy Holidays!!!

  2. Infertility Doula December 16, 2010 at 6:25 pm #

    You know, I never came out on FB about my pregnancy. DH did, but I never even mentioned being pregnant. Partly because I had friends who were still trying and I wanted to be sensitive to them. Partly because I didn’t want to jinx myself. I know, it’s weird.

    As for Dexter — worst season ever. The finale was a complete disappointment. Too much of a neat package. But it’s still the best show on TV (until this last season).

  3. conceptionallychallenged December 17, 2010 at 6:45 am #

    I’m glad your mom wants to be there for you. That’s so sweet. Happy holidays!

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