5 Nov

Feels like a milestone of sorts, but every day feels like a milestone when you’re hoping your uterus isn’t about to collapse in on itself.

I fear this blog might start to get tiresome if it turns into a series of post ultrasound or appointment updates. Probably only of interest to my real-life friends who are reading, and others who might be expecting. Surely annoying to people who don’t want to hear about yet another pregnancy, when there are enough of those in the real world to contend with. (It still feels sort of stabby and unfair to write about these things in this community.)

Today was the first of my 100% free ultrasounds. It felt most odd to sail past the billing office and not stop in to deposit a big fat check on the way out.  This appointment was with the fellow I have complained about before (something I knew about in advance and was “meh” about). Now I feel bad about the complaining because she was actually very sweet and so excited (as was I) about baby’s strong, whooshing, beating heart. She also gave clear, reassuring answers to lingering questions I had about very specific things, like the size and shape of my gestational sac, as well as more general things like my fears about sex and running.

Baby is measuring at exactly 7w2d and heartbeat at 153bpm. It was a lovely sight to behold.  Today was the first one I’ve felt optimistic about this pregnancy, but I don’t think I’ll completely relax until Week 12. Oh, who am I kidding?  It is adamantly clear that I will be a nervous wreck until Week 40.

I realized earlier this week how hard it is to shake the “infertile” identity.  At work the other day I overheard our speech therapist talking to the school principal. One was congratulating the other on the news of another grandchild on the way. “Mazel Tov!” she said, “I hear you’ve got another baby coming!” I instantly felt my shoulders tense up and my gut reaction (one I’ve had much practice with) was “Ouch! Another pregnant person. Everyone but me.” It took me a split second to remember I was pregnant too. It’s amazing how quickly I went to that place of sadness and pain. Call me Pavlov’s dog.

Okay so now I have a question for you bloggies. If you LOVED your ob-gyn (really really loved) and she did not accept your insurance, (something you have been okay with for annual Pap smears) would you find someone new, or stay with her, because you know she is a kickass doctor and will feel 100% comfortable in her hands?

I called her office today to explain my dilemma and her receptionist gave me the option of seeing the other doctor in the practice (not so keen on that from what I’ve seen/heard) or that Dr. F. would work with me to negotiate her labor and delivery rate so it wouldn’t be too much more expensive than if I was going in-network. Don’t have to worry about hospital fees because that will be in-network.  I was also reassured that it would really be the first appointment (8 week) that would be most expensive. She sends you somewhere else for your 12 week appointment and all the testing that goes along with it (somewhere that does accept my insurance). And then after that there isn’t an ultrasound at every appointment, and I guess that’s what makes a visit more expensive. (What happens at later visits?) Her office will also submit all my claims, which is different to the Fertility Clinic that doesn’t even touch your insurance card.

Not sure what to do. I ended up scheduling my first appointment with her, because I didn’t want to wait to get all the screening and bloodwork and it might take time to get in with someone else that comes highly recommended. Don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner, because now I feel rushed to make a decision.

Sigh. I miss the large-group medical insurance I have enjoyed at previous jobs. Individual policies suck balls for things like maternity, but at least it’s covered at 100% after my $5,000 deductible. Now that wouldn’t necessarily help me with this doctor since she only accepts one kind of insurance, a company that denied me coverage for taking Clomid and having a few abnormal Paps in my history (none that needed any treatment).

The fact that I am delighted that I only have to pay $5,000 to give birth (less if I have other medical expenses prior to that) because it would cost $20,000+ without insurance is exactly what’s wrong with our health care system. Well, one of many things that are wrong, (and I know how lucky I am to even have individual coverage that only costs a few hundred dollars a month) but I won’t get on that soapbox, because well, it’s Friday and you all have better things to do.


One Response to “7w2d”

  1. conceptionallychallenged November 12, 2010 at 10:32 am #

    Yay for the free ultrasounds and the good news! And honestly, 5k for birth already sounds scary to me, being from a “socialist” country…

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