One More Sleep

27 Oct

Not too much longer to wait now. I was tempted to move tomorrow’s ultrasound to Friday, because I keep thinking that  one day could make that big difference between seeing a heartbeat or not, and I know that I am the kind of person who even if someone tells me that 6 weeks on the nose is sometimes too early to see one, I will drive myself crazy with the wondering, and the worrying.

As it happens, I will start my day with my legs akimbo once again. It feels like years since I’ve assumed the position. Hello dildocam, my intrusive old friend. Hello ultrasounds close enough in price to an airline ticket somewhere good.

I’m not going to lie. I have been anxious for the greater part of the week, going over all the possible bad scenarios. Today a sense of calm came over me. A calm in which I continue to feel excited and hopeful about this suddenly becoming much more real, but one in which I am trying to maintain some detachment from what may or may not be going on in my body.

Speaking of my body, today was the first one (since peeing on a stick) where I got home from work and felt unbelievably exhausted and headache-y. This may not mean a damn thing, but it felt like a different kind of tired. No other symptoms of note except the perpetually tender boobs that feel heavier, but sadly, do not look that way. Nothing has made me throw up yet, but my prenatals make me gag every time (although I think this latest horse pill version would do that anyway).

Now, I am going to walk some brisk laps around the Silver Lake Reservoir to get myself into a zen, happy place. And ponder how irritating it is that times like these are ones in which some wine would be quite useful and I can’t have any.

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3 Responses to “One More Sleep”

  1. lady pumpkin October 27, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    Ooooh, hope everything goes wonderfully! Tell us all about it! I like the zen. Stick with that. 😉

  2. nobabyruth October 27, 2010 at 11:27 pm #

    Oh, how I totally understand. I have thought about pushing that first ultrasound back, too, for that very same reason. I’d rather not have the uncertainty even if it’s to be more or less expected! Here’s to hoping that you’ve got a big, powerful heart beating right along for you this morning!!

  3. conceptionallychallenged October 28, 2010 at 4:03 am #

    Thinking of you, and hoping that you’ll get good news despite it being a tad early.

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