13DPO: Do you know what your uterus is doing?

10 Sep

Warning: Two week wait angst-ridden post ahead.

I’m tempted to pee on a stick right now, just because I feel like I want to get a bunch of bad news out of the way in a cluster. I got back from the gym this morning to find that someone had backed into my car leaving a nice scrape and dent on the back rear panel. Oh, and a broken light. This is my 2nd casualty to my innocently parked car in 6 months. As my calm, reasonable husband said, “It’s just a car, there are worse things than this,” to which my hormonal self retorted, “Yes, there are, like not being able to have a baby! And now we get this on top of that!” Next I logged onto my bank account to learn that I did not get paid for my freelance copywriting gig this week. It’s probably just an oversight, because I get paid via direct deposit weekly, but still. (I know that in the freelance world, a regularly occurring weekly paycheck is a thing to covet, so I shouldn’t complain about that. At all.)

Husband is right though. This is not the end of the world. It doesn’t help that I am anxious about getting my period and have driven myself nuts these past few days trying to really get a sense of my body and what its feeling. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. Like I said in a previous post, the month I was pregnant, I don’t remember feeling much of anything until my period was several days late. And that was all boob pain, far worse than I ever get with PMS. So while that’s reassured me about my lack of symptoms this time around, I keep reminding myself that the pregnancy was doomed, so maybe the lack of symptoms shouldn’t be my warm fuzzy two week wait security blanket. I was also in Hawaii at the time, and was probably not terribly alert to PMS symptoms while horizontal on a towel, sifting sand through my fingers and contemplating my next meal/cocktail/swim/book.

A few days ago, the lower back pain kicked in. It’s really mild and I keep thinking if I wasn’t so damn focused on it, I probably wouldn’t feel it at all. But this dull little localized pain feels so familiar. Back pain and my inhospitable uterus seem to like each other. Very much. My optimism is at an all time low.

Now I grapple with the decision to test now (13DPO) and just know, one way or the other, wait until tomorrow night (I usually get my period on a Saturday, or Day 29), or just test when the clinic told me to on Sunday. I realize that getting my period tomorrow will eliminate one of those choices.

I am now extremely bored by this post and will end it.


One Response to “13DPO: Do you know what your uterus is doing?”

  1. lady pumpkin September 10, 2010 at 5:59 pm #

    Okay, I’ve resurfaced somewhat, and just want to say: word. Two-week waits suck balls. Sounds as though your cycle is fairly regular, and so you won’t have to deal with a two-and-a-half-week wait if there’s no baby in there. I hope. That’s lame about the car and the paycheck, though. No fun having more stress piled on. 😦 Hugs to you.

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