Grrr

26 Aug

Warning: General crankiness ahead!

This is one of those posts I’ll probably want to delete as soon as I’m done with it.

But anyway, some things I have not appreciated or taken so well this week:

1) Yet another F**ckbook “friend” (someone I haven’t seen, spoken to or emailed in about 6 years) announced their pregnancy. I swear, if the Facebook server blew up I wouldn’t miss it one bit. But can I bring myself to cancel my account? No.

2) Yesterday I took a break from my rigorous schedule of sprinkling OPKs and planning tantalizing get-ups for my every-other-day rendezvous in the boudoir to go to the movies in the middle of the afternoon. Might as well make the most of this August freedom. My plan was to stop focusing on babywanting-woes and focus on someone else’s life. Elizabeth Gilbert’s. I hoped her eating, praying and loving would distract me from my peeing, waiting and hoping. It did, for about five minutes, before I realized two women behind me had brought their babies to the theater. Not infants, mind you, but toddlers. There was shrieking, protesting, chair kicking, “shhhhhh-ing” and just general chaos. Thanks for ruining my movie. I don’t fault the babies for their protests. Of course they didn’t want to be there. I’m sure they would have preferred a little teeter-tottering on the grassy patch and playground right outside the theater. ( I made sure to check that I hadn’t mistaken my “grown-up” movie time with that of the “child-friendly” matinée. I hadn’t.)

2) I visited a friend with a fairly new baby. Not a good friend. Someone I thought I could befriend when I met her at a freelance assignment, but then realized she wasn’t my cup of tea. Unfortunately she had already decided I was hers.  (And my tea tasting took place long before she got knocked up on the first month trying, after not having sex with her husband for a very long time.) Anyway, I am the world’s biggest wuss when it comes to things like this, (despite graduate-level studies in helping others not to be this way) and I haven’t quite figured out how to extricate myself from the casual friendship. There’s guilt because I know she is isolated as a new mom and has a crappy marriage. I have tried to focus on some of the few things we have in common, like living in the same neighborhood, and far away from our families. My reluctance to nurture the friendship has not been helped by her being the only annoying friend when it comes to my failure to conceive. She is the one who says, “SO?! ANY NEWS?!!!” every time she emails and constantly reminds me how “blessed” and “lucky” she is every time I tell her that no, there no news. It’s hard for me to be around her, but I have responded to her bids for company feeling like it is the “right” thing to do. So, I’m over there visiting, she’s about to feed the baby one of his first “solid” meals and she thrusts the bowl and spoon into my hands “Do you want to feed the baby?!” I didn’t mind feeding the baby, didn’t mind that he drooled most of it on my hands (he’s awfully cute).  Until she mentioned that it was actually mostly breast milk, with a hint of rice cereal. Now I am not anti breast milk, not at all.  I’m all for breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, breastfeeding as long as you want to, but I’m not sure I want your breast milk all over my hands! Especially when you rub me up the wrong way. (While this was going on, she asked me if I’d be interested in babysitting. “He likes you! You’re so good with him!” She really could do nothing right that day.)

Am I being too harsh?

Either way, I’ll work harder to be in a better mood this week. And if that means not leaving the house, so be it. But I did take a yoga class this morning, and that was just what I needed.

P.S. based on inner nether region investigations, combined with my now expert knowledge of cervical mucus, I’m pretty sure tomorrow will be the first of my back -to-back IUIs.  I need to channel my energy in the direction of my ovaries.

P.P.S I want to reassure all you readers out there that despite item #1 on my cranky manifesto, I will be thrilled when you are pregnant. You are probably reading my blog either because you know me in real life, and are very near and dear to my heart, or you are struggling to conceive yourselves. You are all exempt from my grumpy attitude.

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5 Responses to “Grrr”

  1. Haidee August 26, 2010 at 12:31 pm #

    Oh yes, I can relate to the one big time, especially FB! I wish I could bring myself to stay away or delete my account but I just can’t do it. Instead I block those that cause me too much grief and try to be happy for those who I genuinely care about while hurting inside. It’s tough but I guess that is the nature of infertility (((HUG)))

    ICLW#10

  2. The Infertility Doula August 26, 2010 at 4:40 pm #

    I think I hate FB more than HPTs. Why the announcements? I don’t get it. And if FB knows so much about our personal lives to “advertise” to us on the side bar, then couldn’t they put some kind of warning, like “next is a baby announcement. Stay away!”

    Your baby visit made me laugh. Sorry. At least she didn’t offer it with your tea 😉

    Hang in there…

  3. infertilerevolutionary August 26, 2010 at 4:48 pm #

    Yes, there is nothing more annoying than people who like to muse about how they got pregnant on the first try, except people who talk about getting pregnant on the first try and then proceed to tell you about their cousin’s roommate’s exgirlfriend’s mother who was infertile and gave up but then had a miracle baby at 45.

  4. lady pumpkin August 26, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

    Are you kidding? Stalk away! You’re on my blogroll; I’m reading your every post now. 🙂 Ugh, sorry about this annoying-as-balls series of events. I get uppity when people are being loud during movies in general, but bringing your toddlers to a grownup movie so that it’s essentially unavoidable? Not cool. You get a sitter, you go to the come-with-kids showing, you go to a movie that is intended for the diapered set, or you skip the cinematic outing entirely. Yes, this is my childless point of view, I can go to the movies whenever I darn well please, and maybe I’ll see things differently someday, but I’d like to think I’ll also maintain some measure of respect for the rest of the world. As far as the “friend”? Oy. These things are tough to get out of. Can you at least start by blowing her off more often? Suggesting other resources to her, like new moms’ groups, so you don’t feel as though you’re leaving her high and dry? Because, sure, she needs friends, but you need to not be spending your time doing things and hanging out with people who don’t make your life better. You know? And Facebook? Barf.

  5. BU August 27, 2010 at 9:06 am #

    Stupid FB. I hope your grumpies go away soon. And please take mine away too!

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