My Dear Florence

14 Aug

Florence my old friend,

You have been teasing me these past few days. I’ve felt you invading my lower back with a dull ache that sets in right around the time I’m falling asleep, my face with a crop of annoying zits, and my esophagus with unrelenting heartburn, no matter what I eat.

I’d like to think this is your way of saying “Sayonara buddy! I’ll see you in nine months or more, but don’t forget what I look like!”  But if your bags are already packed and you’re on the road for a much sooner 5-day visit, please just get here.

Am I being too impatient? I know Saturday or Sunday are your preferred arrival days. While I appreciate that you know just how much I love a weekend Day 1, your habits are throwing a wrench in my new babymaking plan that has us paying quite a bit of money every month to be probed, investigated and inseminated by one of L.A.’s experts. Supposedly.

But here’s the thing: When you arrive on a Saturday, it  means inseminations are two weekends from the day you show up. You and your hormone pals are that predictable.  I thank you for these textbook cycles, really I do. But the weekend is  when all the residents are working. They are lovely, and quite competent, I’m sure, but dammit Florence, I would like my next insemination to be at the hands of the god himself! I have a feeling he won’t use the wrong size speculum, and I have never seen him put the ultrasound probe lubricant gel on the inside of the condom.

Am I being unreasonable? Maybe. But I am sick of you always getting your way. If you get here soon I’d like to talk about taking a break. Can we? It’s not you, it’s me. Well, really it is you, but don’t take it personally.

All my very best,

Denise

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One Response to “My Dear Florence”

  1. Stephanie August 24, 2010 at 9:03 am #

    I love your writing style! I am going through my first IUI this cycle (hopefully having the procedure done next week) so I can relate to some of your feelings.

    ICLW #92

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