11 DPO & IUI

11 Aug

That up there basically means I am in my two week wait, and it’s almost over. This is always a hard time, but after back to back IUIs, it’s more torturous than ever. There was more money invested, entirely out of our own pockets, so it feels like there’s a lot more at stake. And every failure puts us one step closer to the dreaded IVF conversation. One that I have had in my head many times, but that I am resisting having out loud with others.

I keep reminding myself of the “onlys.”  It’s only my first IUI, I’ve only had about 14-15 months of two week waits, even when everything works perfectly there is only a 20% chance of conceiving each month.

So I’m trying to stay grounded, and over the past few days I have been struck by stories I’ve been reading from people who have had to endure so much more of this, for so much longer. I might have a few more twists and turns down this road. We couldn’t possibly be the ones who succeed on the first Clomid/IUI cycle.

The good news is that I am not even remotely tempted to use one of the pregnancy tests  in the medicine cabinet. I used to debate this every month. Should I? No. I won’t. But maybe I should!? But back when I was charting, the big temperature drop would always give me the clue that Florence was on her way. No reason to waste precious resources.

Even though I’ve retired my thermometer, I still prefer to wait it out, at least until the day after I would have normally got my period (which is always on time, so I never have to test, but I do cave sometimes). Where I used to have unbridled curiosity, I’d now rather float through these last days buoyed by hope, than get a negative and then spend the next 3 days in a funk waiting for Day 1.

So I guess it’s a few more days of analyzing every single twinge, ache and pain. And then rereading the message boards where I can find reassurance that PMS symptoms are exactly the same as pregnancy symptoms. But something tells me that the giant zit on my jawline is the only clue I need. And that I should reinforce the tampon supply.

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